Yes it's hard

Today was a very big stepping stone for me, today was the day that you said those words:

"Hey. Sorry but I can't talk to you.
For awhile
maybe never"

Also today met the day that I closed your chat window on facebook for the first time in 7 months, it was hard but it was a good first step. This next while is going to be hard, but I'm thankful for my friends and I'm glad for them. I just wished that the people that mean the world to me lived a bit closer, maybe in the same city, not too much to ask now is it?

Yes it's hard, because for me knowing that we could still talk meant that we could still be friends, maybe not right now but in the future.

For me checking up on you to see how you were doing put myself at peace, because even though we aren't together I still care about you and it matters to me how my friends are doing.

I keep on thinking I'm ok but ever now and then I realize that I'm not ok, and feel horrible and then I feel even worse knowing that you are feeling just as bad.

I miss smiling all the time, even when no ones looking. I can count only 3 times since we ended that I can really say that I was truly smiling with all my heart and I was happy. But that was only because I was distracted from real life by the spur of the moment but I was glad.

I hate this and wish it didn't have to be like this, but because we are not of the same yoke it just can not happen. For later on in life I know I would not be really happy and would become lonely.

I'm sorry all the pain I caused you, and I wish I could do something to just get rid of it, in a moment. If there were a way I would do it, in a moment, no problem, but as I know that that one thing that needs to happen, won't, I need to learn to grow beyond this.

Why does learning have to hurt so much?