Luggage

I've been carrying too many bags around for a long time, some new, some old. I have kept these bags locked up and even though they are by my side, all the time, I never look inside of them. I just keep on bringing them along with me, keeping them too myself. Many of these bags contents are just so trivial and over collecting dust on them for they are so old.

I often think of myself as a forgiving person, but when I look at all these bags I question myself.
Maybe I am a forgiving person, but only to the people I still talk to, after I picked up their bag.
I looked over many of the bags I'm carrying today and I see a pile of lost causes, a collection of crushed hopes. I can count the bags, do you know what I find? Over 90% of these bags are with people who I no longer talk to, most of the time they were the ones to cut off contact. Sometimes I try and say hi to one of them and I get a hi back, then it stops. I get nothing after that. The fire sizzles out.

I don't even know why I have some of these bags still, maybe I'm a physiological hoarder. I already know I am scared of letting go, yet why would I be scared of some of these bags. Maybe it's just me getting my hopes up, my optimist personality coming through the cracks.

Even though I'm pretty sure that most of these won't apply to anyone who actually reads my blog, fuck it though, I don't forgive you for that (I don't hold that against you), but I will forgive any of you of my luggage.

I forgive you that you couldn't handle the truth about me.
I forgive you for seeing me as someone who still had a crush on you, 10 months later, even after asking me.
I forgive you for never talking to me again, and getting super angry when I told you what happened.
I forgive you for continually judging me and ruining a short, but fantastic friendship.
I forgive you for tempting me with lust even though you knew I was already with another.
I forgive you for pushing me away for all that time.
I forgive you for not talking to me because you wanted to shoulder it all yourself.
I forgive you for these scars.
I forgive you for trusting me.
I forgive you for talking behind my back.
I forgive you for not asking me first.

It was the best of Times

This song just kinda hits home, I feel like it hits home on every person in a different way

My thoughts during Good Friday service

The ground I am standing on is Holy, I recognize that and have taken my shoes off.
I see his mercy flowing around me, as if I were in the center of a raging whirlpool.
His love out numbers the uncountable bubbles that have surronded me.
The water of eternal life, it surrounds me in a warm embrace.
It fills my soul with Hope.

Hope.

A reminder of the unconditional love that we are not worthy of receiving.
Love that I am not worth of receiving.

Moses had to walk up to his neck in the Red Sea before God parted the waters.
Are you going up, past your shoulders in the waters of this world. A public display of you love for him.

My ears have been too full of wax that I've been ignoring your voice recently.
I have been addicted to being busy.
To always have the sound of this world running through my ears.
Emotionally running away.

What is your bread and wine?
What garden am you taking care of?
Is your breathe becoming healing words?
Are you getting covered in the dirt of your Rabi?

Tragic Turn of Events / Move Pen Move

I discovered this song last night, I've been listening to it all day, on and off. I've just kept on coming back to it, the words pull my soul in. There is so much meaning behind these words I just can't even begin to describe. It's just so raw, it's beautiful.

It's 9 minutes, but just listen to the lyrics.

Road Regrets

I prayed for my first stranger today

A girl came on the bus in tears. I couldn't do anything to help her, another girl came to see if she was alright.
I was powerless, so I prayed for this stranger.

Remember this:
Your heart will recover, it will never be the same again, but it will recover.
May you see that whatever you are feeling, it's ok.
God is sitting shiva with you, always.

Thanks Rob Bell
(I bought Love Wins today, super stoked to read it)

Love Wins